Worst boss contest (2012 edition)

Another The End of The World Year is behind us and it is time for my annual “High Tech Worst Manager of the Year” contest.

Fortunately, a single contestant has been enrolled to the competition in 2012. And of course he won – again – hands down!

Ladies and gentlemen: the winner – Jolly Chen, Cloudera, CA – the winner in the category of “The Worst Boss” for 2 years straight!

I am wondering why even being so close to a noble elephants (Hadoop and all) doesn’t help to improve the winner’s jolly personality?

What you wanted to know about Hadoop, but were too afraid to ask: genealogy of elephants (New Year 2013).

About a year ago I have published the original genealogy of elephants. A number of changes have happened in the field since then and as some of my readers have pointed out the original diagram became stale. I am certainly thankful for the feedback and I am publishing the new version today. It sounds like a good New Year resolution too 😉

As you can see there are quite a bit of changes in the tree. Say, CDH4 looks like a child of promiscuous parents – not for the first time, apparently – as it inherits characteristics of H1 and H2 at the same time (MR1 if you wondering); and some other changes as well.

Ladies and gentlemen: Genealogy of Elephants II. 

A dear friend’s of mine college application,,,

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are:

I am a Slavic immigrant often mistaken for an Australian, even when I leave my kangaroo at home. I am a true philanthropist, as any of my sponsors will tell you. Rooms overflow with my kindness, and then I clean them because of how kind I am. Thanks to me, the fifth dentist now also recommends Crest. I once single-handedly won an arm wrestling match. I type 1000 words per minute, and the result makes sense.

My concern with the environment is so great that beavers think twice before felling trees when I am near. I am brave enough to admit that pollution is a problem, which is why you will see me wearing a mask when I take my Hummer out for a drive. My desire to promote diversity and help people feel included is so great that I give tourists directions even when I do not understand what they are asking. Incidentally, I believe that racial intolerance is absolutely unacceptable, and some nations’ inability to grasp this is outrageous.    

At night I dress up in clothes I have designed and fashioned and go to fight crime. If I witness crime during the day, I wait until nighttime to
confront the culprit at hand, for what would this world come to without
punctuality and order? My band’s chosen genre is percussive maintenance, and we regularly hold charity gigs at Apple stores. I refrain from slapping people who do not know how to properly use the word “whom,” and I do not sing on the bus.

I take inflation into consideration when giving to the beggars I pass on my way to work every day. I have convinced several skunk families and one hippie to use deodorant. I did not accept the reward Waldo’s family offered when I found him hiding in his closet and persuaded him to come out. When he did, I did not judge him. I can slow down time itself – especially in maths class. I have organized a volunteer group for teaching children fire safety. I have often paid people’s emergency room bills for them. When my friends come to me with their problems, I encourage them to do what I do not doubt is right. I am someone who can admit to being wrong, even when I was convinced otherwise. I learn from my mistakes every day, multiple times a day. Some say I am an ideal role model for the new generation.

But, most importantly, I am modest, and that is my defining quality.

Certainly, it deserves a scholarship …